Roger Clemens trial

Jury selection begins today for the Roger Clemens trial.

I really want to believe he is innocent because I loved watching him pitch, but I don't.

I would be a very bad juror for the defense.

The Pope's First Tweet

What did I tell you? No spelling mistakes. No disabled links. It was perfect. Some would call it infallible.

Blago is guilty!

Convicted on 17 counts.

Wow. Maybe testifying on his own behalf wasn't such a great idea after all.

Soccer's Latest Bribery Scandal

I've been following international soccer since the 1974 World Cup, and if there's one thing that has been a constant, it's been the controversy.

Yesterday one of the most powerful soccer officials in the world stepped down amid a bribery scandal in exchange for FIFA sweeping the entire thing under the rug.

The accusations include handing out envelopes with $40,000 in them to officials while they listened to the World Cup pitch from Qatar, a country that inexplicably received an upcoming World Cup.

I still love watching the sport, but let's just say that the officials working in it would be very comfortable working in Chicago and/or Louisiana politics.

Clarence Clemons

Sad news over the weekend; Clarence Clemons passed away at the age of 69. My friend "BP" is a huge fan of Springsteen, and this is the way he describes the importance of Clarence to the E-Street Band...

"Without Clarence, there would have been no E Street Band, at least as we knew it. His contributions to “Jungleland,” “Tenth Avenue Freeze Out,” “Thunder Road” and “Born to Run” are enough for an entire career. And that is just on a single album. I was listening to “Rosalita” yesterday while I was watering my garden and kept thinking back to all the times I’ve seen Bruce and the E Street Band (starting in Chicago on “The River” tour and most recently in Boston on the “Working on a Dream” tour) and all the joy that came from Clarence’s playing. Nobody enjoyed performing more than Clarence and his enthusiasm was contagious. Every time he had a sax solo, the crowd would erupt with a force like a touchdown being scored at Soldier Field. Speaking of Soldier Field, Bruce and the E Street Band played Soldier Field in August of ’85 on the “Born in the USA” Tour. I was there with 70,000 of my closest friends and it was A PARTY! In recent years, health problems limited Clarence and he had to sit for portions of shows due to hip and knee problems. But, you knew when it was time for the solo in “Badlands” (a song Bruce still plays almost every night on tour) Clarence would be there to let his horn howl. As Bruce posted on his website this weekend, his loss is “immeasurable.” R.I.P Big Man."

Hef's wedding is called off

He was scheduled to be married this Saturday, but yesterday Hugh Heffner announced that his wedding to 25-year-old Crystal something or other is off.

Not sure if she suddenly realized she was marrying someone 60 years older than her, or if he insisted on a prenup that negated her only reason for marrying him, or if there is some other more traditional reason for breaking up (like the fact that he has thirty other hot babes living in the house), but it's a sad story nonetheless.

Hef is "heartbroken." He spent the night last night, and I'm not joking about this, screening the film "Runaway Bride" for a small group of confidants.

Aerosmith makes nice

Good news for Aerosmith fans from this morning's RAMP newsletter...

"Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry has announced that the band, including once-estranged frontman Steven Tyler, will soon begin work on their first new album in 10 years. Using today's handiest news-delivery service, Twitter, Perry recently tweeted, "Whole band has plans to go into the studio with [producer] Jack Douglas second week of July to work on new Aero CD." Aerosmith have not released an album of new material since 2001's Just Push Play. According to Rolling Stone, things had become so strained between longtime friends Perry and Tyler that Perry didn't show up at Aerosmith's initial writing sessions earlier this year; however, the band did record several demos in Los Angeles a while back with tentative track titles that include "Bobbing for Piranha," "Asphalt" and "Legendary Child."

One of my favorite concert memories was driving to Springfield Illinois in 1984 to see the recently reunited Aerosmith perform. Tyler was so wasted that when he went down to do the splits during "Back in the Saddle" (the opening song), he had to be helped back up. He later fell off the stage, got his hair caught in a fan, and had a fist-fight with Joe Perry on stage. The stage went dark, and the band came back out a few minutes later (without Tyler) and did a few Hendrix songs before realizing they couldn't do it without their singer. The concert lasted about eight minutes, but I'll never forget it.

More Weiner pics

When you see these pictures that TMZ printed over the weekend, you can't help but shake your head at the Congressman's stupidity. The previous pictures either offered plausible deniability (that's not my little Anthony) or were shirtless.

These pictures are full length nudes taken at the House gym, for cryin' out loud.

What in the world were you thinking Congressman? You're a complete moron.

Germans voted "Least Funny"

Germans have been voted the least funny nationality.

Perhaps, but isn't punctuality just as important?

Sexsomnia

Apparently, there's a new sleep disorder called "Sexsomnia." Patients suffering from sexsomnia have sex in their sleep.

I'm not making that up. A Canadian doctor from the University of Ottawa is credited with coining the term.

Not surprisingly, the vast majority of sexsomniacs are men. I'm guessing after reading this article that number will explode.

"It's a medical condition, honey. What do you want me to do?"

Delta charges servicemen

Delta has got to be a little embarrassed that this story is in the news today: Delta Air Lines charges returning soldiers for checked bags.

They charged soldiers coming home from Afghanistan for checking their gear. "Thank you for your service, gentlemen. That will be $2800 please." (That's what they charged)

I've got a military term they are using at Delta PR headquarters today: "FUBAR"

Tip of the Iceberg

The recent story about Jim Tressel at Ohio State has shocked (Shocked!) the American public, but anyone that ever went to a big-time college and knew athletes at that college, knows that Tressel's story is just the tip of the iceberg.

Colt McCoy's wife may have thrown the University of Texas under the bus yesterday during a radio interview with Colin Cowherd. (Read her comments here.)

I went to the University of Illinois in the 80s and I personally knew basketball players and football players that drove cars they couldn't possibly afford. Granted, Illinois has been busted many times, but your school does it too. They all do.

Father of the Year

I pride myself in my ability to embarrass my teenage son. It's a skill I picked up from my own father, who was a master.

But neither Dad nor I are in the same league as the Jedi Master of all fathers.

You must read about the exploits of Utah's Dale Price.

I feel like I'm not even worthy to write his name. I tip my cap to you, sir.

Weinergate

I watched the press conference yesterday, and the subsequent coverage and recapping of the press conference.

Andrew Breitbart, the conservative blogger who broke the story, was crowing because he actually got this story right. As Stephen Colbert pointed out last night, that makes Breitbart correct in 1 of the 4 big stories he has broken. (The others: NPR, ACORN, and Shirley Sherrod were incredibly dishonestly presented). Don't scoff. Breitbart's now batting .250. That's good enough to start at any position for the Cubs this year.

But to me, the one show I wanted to see handle the subject was Eliot Spitzer's show on CNN (for obvious reasons). Here's how that went.

Spitzer said the press conference was "cringe worthy" (which of course it was), but added something none of us could have added: "Believe me, I know. I've been there."

Bono the Hitchhiker

I thought this was an interesting story this morning in the RAMP newsletter...

Edmonton Oilers center Gilbert Brule and his girlfriend Kelsey Nichols just happened to be passing by in a driving rain storm and saw a hitchhiker. Brule did a double-take, swearing that the rain-drenched guy they just passed was Bono, but Nichols wasn't convinced, as she later told CTV. "I didn't want to stop, but they waved, and Gilbert yelled, 'That's Bono!'" Nichols recalled. "I said, 'No, we're not picking up a hitchhiker. We're going to die.'"

Cooler heads prevailed, and Brule picked up the soaking wet Bono, who rewarded the couple with tickets and backstage passes to U2's show in Edmonton. According to published reports, Brule asked Bono where he wanted to go, and Bono replied, "Just take me to where The Edge is." Bono recounted his experience on stage in Edmonton the following night, telling the audience, "I like ice hockey, because people who play ice hockey are the kind of people who pick up hitchhikers," he said. "I know this from personal experience."

Who needs regulation?

Every time I hear a politician complain that industry is over-regulated in this country, I think about stories like this: You know that e-coli strain that is killing people in Europe? Our farmers and food processors are not even required to test for it.

Here's a little description of what this e-coli strain has already done: "It has been linked to more than 1,600 illnesses and 18 deaths. About 500 people — an unusually large percentage of those who have been sickened — have developed a life-threatening kidney complication known as hemolytic uremic syndrome, for which there is no treatment."

But please, FDA, don't put too much pressure on our food producers and processors. We don't want a big-government nanny-state treading on our liberty.

Weiner calls the cops

One of the big uproars about Anthony's Weiner's wiener-gate scandal is that he didn't call the cops to investigate his account being hacked. Well, he finally called the cops yesterday, but not to investigate the hack.

He called the cops to get rid of a reporter.

This is not going well for him.

Blago

The must read column during the Blago trial remains John Kass' column.

Another gem this morning about the first day of cross-examination. Turns out, there was a very good reason Blago didn't testify in that first trial.

Here's the way Kass put it...

Federal prosecutors don't usually get much practice at cross-examining defendants in political corruption cases because defendant politicians are usually too smart to take the witness stand. Blagojevich, already a convicted liar, had no choice but to roll the dice.

When the jurors filed out, Rod didn't even try to make eye contact.

His wife, Patti, stood up, anxious, smoothing her skirt with nervous hands, reaching for him like some heartbroken Little League mom whose third-grader had just struck out with the bases loaded as the team lost the big game.

Doesn't that paint a picture? Kass is a gifted writer.

Fireworks cancelled

The City of Chicago announced that it is canceling it's big July 4th fireworks display, thereby saving the city in the neighborhood of $1 million.

I attended that fireworks display many times when I lived downtown...although I only went because I lived right there. We could watch it from my building's rooftop. I know this will make me sound like a curmudgeon, but I never even considered going down there for the insanity since we moved out to the suburbs. Too many people. Not that exciting.

Weiner Update

Anthony Weiner did a bunch of interviews yesterday to calm the furor over his "Wiener-tweet," and I have to say, as someone that really wants to believe him...those interviews didn't go so well. (A recap is here in the Washington Post)

He was categorical in denying that he sent the picture of the wiener in the underpants to the woman in question, but he wouldn't deny it was his wiener in the underpants.

Really?

Who doesn't know exactly how many pictures were taken of his own wiener in his own underpants, and what those pictures look like? Let me look in my file here...oh wait, that's right...I've never taken a picture like that in my life. Who has?

(John Kass wrote about this morning too.)